Judgy To Gentle

Recently, I tried something new. With the planning and details in place, so also were my expectations of the outcome.

When the experience happened, it didn’t go as planned. In my mind, it fell short of what I had hoped. It wasn’t terrible but it didn’t meet my expectations or ideals of how it should be.

In the days following, I found myself feeling discouraged and judgy toward myself and others. I was second guessing my choice to try this new thing and I felt borderline paralyzed, internally.

Over time, I’ve learned that when I notice myself headed down the road of fear, negativity and rigidity in my thought life, I need to pause and remember to put into place practices of gentleness. These are practices which I have found that lead to clarity, compassion and resilience. There are a variety of gentleness practices that can be included in daily life but for me personally and practically, it means moving through the Prayer of Examen, going for a walk and/or spending intentional time with my community of friends who are honest and loving toward me.

Here are some questions I recently asked myself in the midst of my disappointment in order to switch gears from internal paralysis and judgement to hopeful movement forward.

•What is the wisdom I bring and the wisdom I gained through this experience? What do I know to be true (or not true) about this and what did I learn?

•What needs to be adjusted for a more meaningful experience? There is room for adjustment in most circumstances. A practice of gentleness reminds me of this.

•What is your why? When confusion sets in, go back to the beginning. It can re-fuel vision and passion.

•Where was the beauty in this experience? We are often so hard on ourselves with self judging and focus on outcome that we lose sight of the beauty in the experience.

Here is my personal practice of Examen Prayer:

Examen Prayer

The Examen Prayer is a door into the reflective life. It can be helpful to use as a guide at the end of your day, week, month, year or a particular season in your life. Move through the questions, asking the Holy Spirit to be with you in the process. Reflect on God’s glory, goodness, faithfulness and acknowledge your reality.

•Sit for a few quiet minutes reflecting on and reviewing your day, week, month, year or season.

•With gratitude, reflect on the gifts you have noticed God has given to you.

•While asking yourself the following questions, pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. What feelings arise and/or what you are thinking?:

-When did you feel near to God?

-When did God feel far away?

•As you become aware of the areas where God felt distant, what sadness or frustration might you need to acknowledge? Is there an area where you need to receive forgiveness?

•As you look toward tomorrow, what might God’s invitation be for you? With hope, spend time with God, listening. What do you sense that God is saying to you?